Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
