if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
