In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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