nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
