ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
