New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
