There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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