i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
