It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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