I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
