We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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