its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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