it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
