I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
