I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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