Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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