I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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