I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
