DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
