you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
