God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
