The police scanner is talking about you again....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
