Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
