i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
