; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
