i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
