I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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