I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
