it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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