She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
