I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
