My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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