Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize