Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
