yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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