Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
