So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize