the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
