I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
