check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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