Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
