I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
