last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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