My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
