Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
