Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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