She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
