she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
