Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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