Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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