The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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