There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
