we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
