my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize