not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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