Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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