I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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