Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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