Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
