Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Jerry, you need to find god
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's never too late to be topless.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
