I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
