Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
