i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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