I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
