already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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