i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
