shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
