I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
