oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
