His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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