I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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