sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she peed on how many people?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
