It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize