He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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