the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
