your parents love me but you hate me
organizing the empties. That sober.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
