how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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