I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's blow job season.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
