i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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