He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
